Not sure how to feel

So, now we know what is going on.  Sort of.  We met with the Shaman last night and he explained how the dreamworld (or Swefengard as he calls it) came to be, and what we have to deal with.  He says we need to keep fighting to defeat the "Dark One".  Not sure how, but I guess we have to start learning how to sword fight.  Karl's going to start training us immediately.

I'm glad that I'm no longer alone, but now I seem to have other problems.  Chris has decided to take charge of things, and I'm not sure I'm happy with that.  He did get us involved in this whole thing, who does he think he is?  He's just gonna start bossing us around and we're just supposed to take it, no votes, no say?  And who is this Shaman character, can we actually trust him?

One way or another, looks like I'm in for a bumpy ride...


I found Liza last night.  We were captured again, thanks to Chris.  I just don't trust him.  I think he's up to something.  A minute after we ran into him, we ended up being attacked by his thugs and tied up to trees.  He was tied up with us, but that's probably just a cover to infiltrate our group.

Fortunately, a young lady came along and let us go.  She said something about consequences.  I'm not sure what she's talking about (or even how she knows all of this), but I think we may need to seek out some help somewhere, because at this point, we're just stabbing in the dark, and we have no idea what we're doing or how we're going to get out of this mess.
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(no subject)

So, by now, Liza believes me.  But now she's been kidnapped, and Karl and I have to find her the next time we go.  I know this may not be "real", but something has to be going on, something sinister that hasn't been revealed yet.  I fear for Liza.  I fear for myself.  But I have no choice.  I have to look for her at all costs, because what scares me more than anything is what they want with her.

Welcome to reality, my friend

For the first time in a year, I was able to talk to another human in the real world and they didn't look at me like I was crazy; Karl finally knows.  During our dream last night, he became aware that this isn't just a dream, and we fought a battle against the dark forces. I died, but not before seeing the look in Karl's eye changing. He knows. Liza doesn't seem to be too happy about it.  She stormed out of the apartment in the middle of my conversation with Karl.  I have no idea where she went.  She didn't want to talk about it when she got back.  Oh, well.  She'll find out for herself soon enough.

While it is a relief that I'm not crazy, I almost wish I was.  This should not be happening.  But it is.  And now I have to figure out what I'm going to do about it.

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    relieved relieved

Wake up!

Got in a fight with my best friend today. He came by to see how I was doing, and I jumped down his throat about it. I'm sorry that I did it; poor guy, then he had to deal with Liza after I stormed off.

If anyone can handle what is going on, it's Karl. I read a lot about the Middle Ages and fantasy, but Karl really lives this stuff. While I've fought along side him (and even against him) many times, I know him in the dream world as Bram. He doesn't know it yet, but things are going to change for him really soon. My solitude may be coming to an end.

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    contemplative contemplative

Fourth of July

I fought with my wife Liza today. She really wanted me to get out of the house for a day, but I just don't want to. I don't need to; I go out all the time to some medieval dream world, while I'm supposed to be sleeping. How can a Fourth of July picnic compare to the battles I've been fighting in my head?

I can't attend family picnics if they all think I'm the family lunatic. Well, mostly because I've decided that I'm NOT crazy. I don't want to go to therapy anymore. I don't need it. I only go to preserve my marriage. And now, I wait. Until my wife and friends find out for themselves.

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    frustrated frustrated


I saw my wife in the dream world last night. I was so relieved to see her, I ran to her and hugged her. She looked confused, almost as if she didn't know who I was, but I seemed familiar to her. She introduced herself to me as Tiradora. When I woke up and asked Liza about it, she denied that it ever happened. But I know it was her, or at least some form of her.

Maybe I'm right, and this is actually happening, and one day, she'll realize that it's happening to her, too. Or maybe I don't want her to know. She might be better off not knowing anything about this.

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    melancholy melancholy

Happy New Year

Well, it's New Years Day. Still having those experiences at night. Nothing is changed. My therapy hasn't been working. My friends invited me out to a party last night, but I just couldn't bring myself to go. How can I be surrounded by people that I see all the time in some crazy dream world, but have no memory of what has happened to them? It's almost like I'm surrounded by lookalikes in my dreams. They look like my friends, but they're not really there. They all go by different names. Some of them try to hunt me down. How can I talk to people who are trying to kill me?

Maybe everyone is right; maybe this isn't real. Maybe none of it is actually happening, and I'm just having the most vivid dreams I've ever had, and I'm believing they're real. God, I hope they're all right.

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    confused confused

First entry

My psychiatrist told me it would be best to deal with my issues in a journal, so that is why I've decided to start this. I really don't want to do this; I don't even want to be seeing a psychiatrist. I'm doing this as a favor to my wife.

I'm not crazy. What happened to me was real, and my friends and my wife were there, too, but they don't believe me, or they just don't remember being there. These aren't just dreams I'm having. They are very real experiences.

I don't know, maybe I am going crazy. Maybe I should be seeing a psychiatrist. Who knows, maybe I should be institutionalized. I almost hope I'm wrong, because if I'm right, it's unthinkable.